Welcome To The Ranch!

Oct-Mar, Indoor Heating provided as Wood Stove or Propane.

Wood Stove. This is a 1920's antique stove. As such, it may not always function ideally. Thus, an alternative propane heater is provided. 

Use: Only use provided wood sparcely. At most burn only three pieces at a time. This may not look like much but any more you'll be hot as hell and will create way too much smoke inside.  

Propane Heater. This is a 2021 modern portable furnace. Use low setting ONLY. It will provide more than enough heat. Guests are provided (2) small tanks, one for each evening. Additional units available at $10 each or you may supply your own.

FIRE SAFETY! A fire alarm is inslatted and fire hydrant provided. 

The uber-clean latrine is within a private enclosure. Below the toilet seat within an enclosed base is a bio-waste bag lined waste bucket. Access to the base is behind the latrine:

1) Wear provided disposable gloves.

2) Remove sanitized bucket.

3) Add provided bio-waste liner. Use bungee to secure.

4) Add 1/4in desert sand. 

Guests must remove and dispose their biowaste off property (do not bury / do not place in trash).

The latrine is cleaned and sanitized after guest check-out and on guest arrival day. Bio-Waste liners, bathroom tissue, and disposable gloves are provided amenities. 

Human Waste Disposal Fee: By staying on property you agree and consent to automatic billing to your credit card in the amount of $500 per incident for human bio-waste left behind, buried, or improperly disposed of on property by a member of your party.  

Note: Outhouses are banned by the NM EPA. Do not bury bio-waste of any kind anywhere on property.

Private Outdoor Shower

Sun Heated April-September. Gravity fed water evacuates into ground. Use provided detergent-free products. 

No Heat August-March. Gravity fed water evacuates into ground. Use provided detergent-free products. 

Pet bio-bags are a provided amenity. You must pick up pet bio-waste and dispose off-property. We are a pristine film environment and this is strictly enforced. 

Pet Waste Disposal Fee: By staying on property you agree and consent to automatic billing to your credit card in the amount of $500 per incident, inclusive of DNA test fee for pet bio-waste left behind, buried, or improperly disposed of on property by your party. Applied only after a confirmed DNA test result. 

Trash Can: A lined trash can is provided. Do not dispose human or pet bio-waste in provided trash. Trash is picked up by ranch staff every 2-night stay. Heavy metal objects, parts, or machinery may not be disposed of in trash.  

Litter Clean Up Fee: By staying on property you agree and consent to automatic billing to your credit card in the amount of $75. per incident for litter left behind and attributed to your party.

Open Flame: Only permitted within provided firepit in winds below 15 mph. However,  if asked to put out fire, guest must comply. Do not burn paper or plastic in firepit. Do not use/dispose charcoal in firepit (litter fee applies). Guests are welcome to source wood from dead stock in your area. Only dowse fires with water. Amenity: A bucket with non-potable water provided for fire use only.  

Enclosed Flame (i.e. your own grill): So long as the flame is being monitored and can be enclosed, you may use your own propane or charcoal grill at your camp site. 

Smoking: strictly prohibited on property. Litter fee applies to found smoking remnants. 

Fire Extinguisher Fee: An extinguisher is provided for emergency use. By staying on property, you agree and consent to automatic billing to your credit card in the amount of $50. per unit (restocking) of expended extinguisher. Fee only applies to your open flame use. In case of natural fire emergency, call 911. If it can be extinguished with provided unit and you are willing to do so you will not be charged for the unit (and may even earn a future free stay as per our gratitude).    

Assumed Risk: Your "At-Will" use of fire on property is an assumed personal and financial liability risk. By staying on property, you accept full responsibility and liability for direct and indirect property and neighboring property damages attributed to your use of fire regardless as to whether you acted or did not act properly. Providing a firepit does not in any way whatsoever represent culpable risk on behalf of the property owner or representing company. You further agree to indemnify owners and company of any responsibility or liability whatsoever in regards to injury, death, or damages attributed to your party's use of fire. 

Full Disclosure: Scaramanga Ranch occupies raw, dangerous, and unkempt native-desert wilderness on which injury or death could occur. Assume every rock is lose, all earth uneven, every animal will attack, all insects sting, and every plant toxic.

Assumed Risk: Your party's occupation and use of this property is considered, "At-Will" and exclusively at your own risk. By staying on property, all guests accept full responsibility and liability for direct and indirect damages and injuries attributed to your occupation and use. Renting/providing access to and use of the property does not in any way whatsoever represent culpable or any liability whatsoever on behalf of property owners or representing company. You further agree to indemnify owners and company of any responsibility or liability whatsoever in regards to direct or indirect personal damage, theft, injury, or death attributed your party's occupation and use of the property even in cases which you may have acted properly, took every precaution, or assumed an element or objects viability and or functionality. 

Governing Law: All guests further agree to and understand any an all action between guest or visitor shall take place in and be governed by the law of the State of New Mexico, within Santa Fe County.  

Just-Be-Cool Policy: Property owner / management company reserve the right to order any guest or visitor off the property for any reason whatsoever and without refund. This includes if, at owner/ representative's sole discretion, a guest or visitor is deemed or preceived as being a jerk, a liability, dangerous, or unruly drug or alcohol user.  Go ahead play your music as loud as you want, dance naked (out of open view of course), imbibe your toxin of choice, have an incredible time, just be safe... and you'll be fine. Thanks for staying.  

Rating or Review Policy: For this one, you can thank a sole jerk who misused an online booking platform review system to achieve a total refund. 

Our Responsibility: It is our responsibility to fully and accurately describe everything we commit to guests.

Guest Responsibility: It is the guest's responsibility to actually read it and look at the photos BEFORE booking, accepting, and then occupying the property. 

We openly welcome authentic truthful reviews, even negative ones so long as you can prove;

1) We failed to provide an amenity, service, or glampsite committed to in the location description online in which you accepted at time of booking in the way it was disclosed on said booking platform or this site.

2) We misrepresented, exaggerated, or failed to accurately describe anything about the property, your glampsite, or an amenity on a booking platform or this site. 

3) If upon arrival any element or service we committed to online was anything less than what was fully disclosed and committed to on the booking platform or this site. 

4) If our conduct was poor or site cleanliness was in fact not sanitized or clean.  

However, if the review is negative and withstanding we did not fully meet the obligations as noted above, described in writing, and supplemented by photos on the booking platform or on this site, you must remove said review if requested. The penalty of which is you assuming all legal fees in pursuance with getting you to comply. 

Very sorry folks, we are transparent and truthful in everything. But we had a guest go on a vicious tirade about everything that was fully described, back by photos, and condition was provided as described. Not that it was dirty or bad quality, the dude literally used the rating system to argue the virtues of camping, going so far as to complain about "wind" and "dust" in a desert-forest terrain all for the express purpose of not having to pay for what they accepted at the time of booking. The equivalent of writing a vicious hotel review because a bed was provided. Not that one wasn't provided, was unclean or poor, but that the bed itself was in the room. We kid you not.  

Guests: All guests and guest visitors (if permitted) must be 18yo or older "With Valid Government ID" to enter the property regardless of "maturity", "survival skills" or "supervision". This is STRICTLY enforced. We love kids, but not on our wild terrain with canyon film site proprety. Thanks for complying. 

Guest Visitors: Visitors are not permitted on property with out a pass. Visitor Passes must be requested 2-hours prior to visit (text request to 505.395.6465). Scaramanga reserves the right to reserve anyone from entering the property. Visitors must provide ID and sign Indemnification Waver upon arrival. Guest visitors are not allowed to overnight on property. 

Scaramanga: 15 Min Walk

35.416397, -106.156885

About: We are quite certain you've never seen anything like this. Just imagine what a graveyard would look like if a horde of genuine hippies took charge of it. Then think even weirder than that lol. 

Best Time:  Sunrise or just after sunset for some drop dead awesome photos. 

Scaramanga: 5 Min Drive + 1hr Hike

35.430011, -106.155740

About: Numerous 1700-1800's settler and miner home foundations. Super cool, but not for the weak... it's a 5-minte drive, then a hike down to see them only to come right back up. These rarely visited sites are pristine. Round trip hike approx 1.5 hrs. 

Best Time:  Morning or early afternoon & bring plenty of water. 

Scaramanga: 15 Min Drive

7 Yerba Buena, Los Cerrillos, NM 87010

35.442544, -106.120688

About: Located minutes from the historic town of Los Cerrillos, a totally obscure and rarely visited and pretty much abandoned cemetery with graves dating back to the early 1700's. Super, super cool if you enjoy mysteries and
history. Research has been done on some of the sites just google it. 

Best Time:  Mid-morning to mid-day. 

Scaramanga: 5 Min Drive, 10 Min Walk

Madrid, NM 87010

About: Oral History Tour of Madrid, NM: The Town Too High To Die. Madrid produced the coal that both built the Bomb and inspired Walt Disney. Abandoned for years, it was reborn as a thriving artistic community.

Best Time:  Anytime. 

Scaramanga: 15 Min Drive

Golden, NM

About: It's the ghost town that literally kicked off the Gold Rush in America, hence, "Golden". 

Best Time:  Mid-day. 

Scaramanga: 10 Min Drive

Los Cerrillos, NM

About: In addition to being the backdrop set for Young Guns, there is a very cool itsy-bitsy museum there called Casa Grande Trading Post. Nearby is the Turquiose Trail Sculpture Garden- and yeah, it's worth seeing. 

Best Time: Mid-day. 

Scaramanga: 15 Min Drive

15 Bonanza Creek Lane, Santa Fe, NM

About: Aside from it's legendary status, Bonanza Creek is by far the largest movie ranch in NM. It's also has the largest and most standing sets in the state. Tours are rare, but if you catch Imogene on a good day she just may personally drive you around. 

Best Time:  When Imogene says, "Come on over", drop what you're doing and there there now! 

Scaramanga: 28 Min Drive

110 Don Gaspar Ave, Santa Fe, NM 87501

About: Meteorite & Fossil Gallery is the legit best, most honest and authentic place of its type. It's owner, Charlie, is famously known as the "Indiana Jones of Meteorites". If you buy something, guranteed it's authentic. But don't ask him if it will help you get pregnant or good luck lol... he goes total shark eye. 

Best Time: When Charlie is there for sure. 

Scaramanga: 10 Min Drive

3810 NM-14, Santa Fe, NM 87508

Beer Creek Brewing Co. 

Hours:  11:30a-9p

About: BEST.  PIZZA. EVER! Very affordable and high quality. Not even joking. This place rocks the best food, best vibes, and if you're into beer they brew their own.  Every  evening live music in the patio. Owner's name is Rich, let him know Scaramanga sent you.

From Scaramanga: 25 Min Drive

2571 Cristo's Rd, Santa Fe, NM 87507

The Ranch House

Hours:  11:30a-7p

About: Always excellent  food and great atmosphere. If you love bbq you'll love this place. That being said their menu goes way beyond bbq so there's a taste for everyone.

Scaramanga: 26 Min Drive

4250 Cerrillos Rd, Santa Fe, NM 87507

Flying Tortilla

Hours:  6:30a-2:30p

About: Excellent greasy spoon diner with even better breakfast. Interior is dated and plain but you're for the food!

Scaramanga: 26 Min Drive

3530 Zafarano Drive,  Santa Fe, NM

Cafe Grazie 

Hours:  11a-9p

About: Real Italy Italian in NM? Believe it or not this place has the serves the most authentic Tuscan-style dishes in the state. Often overlooked and way underrated due to its small size and odd location (strip mall) Cafe Grazie is italian at its best. Cozy contemporary atmosphere and they serve wine!

Scaramanga: 28 Min Drive

3466 Zafarano Dr., Santa Fe, NM 87507

Plaza Cafe Southside

Hours:  11a-9p

About: Excellent  New Mexican and other comfort foods. Why wait  2 hours  at the plaza location.  Plaza Cafe South has a beautiful and way more relaxed atmosphere... GET THE COCONUT CREAM PIE!

Scaramanga: 32 Min Drive

500 S Guadalupe St, Santa Fe, NM 87501

Tomasita's  

Hours:  11a-8p

About: "Finally", a well known popular place that lives up to the hype.  It will take forever to get seated but totally worth it! EVERYTHING on the menue is authentic and tastes phenomenal. 

Best Time:

Scaramanga: 34 Min Drive

150 Washington Ave #108, Santa Fe, NM

Bull Ring 

Hours:  4p-9p

About: WORTH EVERY PENNY! All the other steakhouses in the plaza area are total hype and crap. Bull Ring is where the states movers, shakers, and politicians go. Total old school glam interior. Their steak is on par with Del Frisco's.  Skip the dining room, the bar is where you want to be. Jamie & Mary are the only bar tenders that matter... let them know Scaramanga sent ya!  P.S. Don't (lol) Fall for Geronimo's Steak House. Yes, it's froo-froo, yes it's expensive, yes their steaks taste like Outback Grill... not worth the money- at all. 

Scaramanga: 43 Min Drive

21 Ten Thousand Waves Way, Santa Fe, NM

Izanami Restaurant

Hours:  12p-9p

About: Izanami is nestled within the Santa Fe mountains and by god if you visit one Santa Fe restauraunt make it this one. Once inside you'll be convinced you've flown to Japan because it is EPIC. Food- perfect.  Now see our recommendation of their spa... oooo, gets even better. 

Scaramanga: 30 Min Drive

1006 Marquez Pl, Santa Fe, NM

(505) 982-0017

Antiques: Santa Fe Antiques Mall

Hours: 10a-4:30p

About: There are many antique shops in Santa Fe, none are quite like this. Seems the place has something for everyone. And while the rest price themselves out of the ballpark, Santa Fe Antiques Mall is pretty grounded and affordable when it comes to deals. 

Scaramanga:  35 Min Drive

110 Don Gaspar Ave, Santa Fe, NM

(505) 988-3299

Minerals/Art: Meteorites & More 

Hours: 10a-6p

About: As noted before, this. place. rocks. In addition, they have some of the most interesting and sought after mineral art in the country. The owner, Charlie is widely known as the 'Indiana Jones of Meteorites", strike up a conversation with him because boy does he have some way cool stories to tell. 

Scaramanga:  35 Min Drive

115 E Water St, Santa Fe, NM

Apparel: Fist Full of Dollars

Hours: 11a-5p

About: We love the clothing at this place... just really cool western inspired closthing and at excellent prices.

Scaramanga:  35 Min Drive

66 E San Francisco St, Santa Fe, NM

Jewelry: Samsville Gallery

Hours: 11a-7p

About: We mentioned Sam before. If you're even considering a Native American jewelry purchase visit Sam first. If you already bought Native American jewelry- bring it to Sam to authenticate it and tell ya what its true value is. 

Scaramanga:  35 Min Drive

207 Old Santa Fe Trail, Santa Fe, NM

Santa Fe Soap Ranch

Hours:  10a-4p

About: Heavenly is the best way to describe this shop. Just walking inside places you in chillax mode. Prices are fair, not too high, not too low. They also ship some really awesome gift packs.

Scaramanga:  35 Min Drive

116 E Palace Ave, Santa Fe, NM

The (Christmas) Shop

Hours:  10a-6p

About: It's Christmas year round at this place and they stock plenty of unique decorations you haven't seen anywhere else. The place is jam packed so be careful not to take out a tree or two. 

Scaramanga:  35 Min Drive

80 E San Francisco St, Santa Fe, NM

Maverick's of Santa Fe

Hours: 10a-7:30p

About: By god, this is a western apparel fantasy shop. Simply amazing  and you'll find something cool and affordiale that appeals to everyone on your gift list. Although mostly you'll want it all for yourself. 

Scaramanga:  35 Min Drive

17751 US Hwy 285, Santa Fe, NM

Santa Fe Flea Market

Hours: Seasonal

About: Numerous We know this is going to sound weird but if you feel confident in your turquoise jewelry authentication skills, you will find nothing less than shockingly low prices. Quite literally we have picked up some impressive finds. Personal example; we saw a very elaborate peice by a very collectable artist in a plaza shop for $3500 dollars... later that day we hit the SF flea market and found the exact same item by said artist for $600! And yes, it was everything we thought it was and totally authentic (not a knockoff)... ever since, this is where we go to buy 'old pawn' collectable jewelry.  You bet we bought it.

Given New Mexico’s turquoise legacy you’d think it has great value. Unfortunately, that is so far from the truth. In fact, as far as gemstone (karat) value, U.S. Southwest mined turquoise ranks bottom of the barrel. The most valuable being from China. From an investment/collector standpoint, southwestern jewelry value is a direct consequence of the Native American artist who crafted it. 

Just because a seller touts an artist’s name does not necessarily mean it is sought after, collectible, valuable, or even authentic. Despite it being a federal crime, numerous plaza jewelers have been busted for selling India-made knockoffs with forged Native American artist names. And finding a reputable plaza jeweler is more difficult than you’d like to think (out of dozens, only one plaza jeweler made our recommend list).   

Never assume when a seller implies. It’s your money, never be afraid to ask. And if they say one thing and you’re willing to buy it, ask them to document the affirmation on the receipt and sign their name to it. You will be shocked at how many will decline or fly off the handle upon request. A reputable seller is always happy to abide. 

Solid vs Stabilized vs Altered 

• Solid Natural Turquoise is just that, a single solid gemstone. Density is everything. Clearly, solid is what you want and often has the highest value. 

• Stabilized Natural Turquoise is still turquoise; it is just softer, more porous, and thus lower grade. Some of the best matrixes are simply too fragile to shape and so they are stabilized with an epoxy. 

• Enhanced means the stone has been stabilized with cheaper plastic filler. 

• Reconstituted or “Chalk” means fragments of turquoise have been crushed into a fine powder (turquoise dust) and then mixed with epoxy to form hard blocks which are then cut into stone shapes. 

• Block or Imitation is synthetic (dyed plastic) or the manipulation of another stone like Howlite and made to appear as turquoise, but with no actual turquoise in it. 

So, you're no gemstone expert but at the very least you want to distinguish the real stuff from the fake. Not a problem...

Option 1: Pocket Knife

Open the knife and gently tap the stone. A sharp sound = real, thud = fake.

Option 2: Tooth Test

Tap the stone gently against your tooth. A sharp sound = real, thud = fake. 

Now go impress everyone with your newfound savviness. and sophistication. 

While anyone can own a Trading Company, very very few are actual Traders. The difference being a trader has earned the trust of Native Americans and trades (jewelry, good, and services) with them. Meanwhile the typical Trading Company has no interaction with Native Americans… and no one just up and becomes a trader. Doesn’t work that way. It takes generations before this trust is earned.

So, you asked, and the Trading Company said they are traders… how can you be certain? Follow up by asking if they do pawn. If they don’t do pawn, guaranteed they are not a real trader. Here is a little peek behind the curtain… Native Americans (rightfully so) do not trust banks, they do not do business with banks, and that’s why you have never seen a bank on a reservation. 

If Native Americans don’t trust banks, who do they trust? Enter the Trader; bakers to Native America who pawn their most prized creations in exchange for extremely low interest loans. And if you think they’re being taken advantage of, you are wrong. Traders are not typical pawn shops which are usually predatory and incentivized to seize the pawn. In contrast, that is the last thing a Trader wants to do because it definitively ends the trading cycle (which is not to their advantage). Payback of a transaction can go on for years or even decades. Yet the Trader still has that prized jewelry, patiently waiting for the loan to be repaid so the cycle to begin again. And this leads into your next buyers tip…

Today, Native Americans leverage their talents to craft incredible contemporary jewelry to sell... but back in the day they made it to trade for supplies and loans. Don't get us wrong, contemporary stuff can still be quite valuable and collectable... but true collectors are all about the "old pawn". Old pawn is the classic stuff made to trade with Traders and they can't get enough of it. So if you are getting in to collect, always ask the seller if they have any "old pawn". Especially if you're at an authentic Trading Company.

Whistleblowing New Mexico Tourism’s biggest shenanigans. If your Native American jewelry purchase was motivated by 40, 50, 0r OMG- 60% off sale… we are deeply sorry to admit that gimmick has played non-stop since 1960. No matter what year, time of year, or season you visit New Mexico, Native American jewelry is always 40, 50, and 60% off lol. When folks try that on us, we say call us when it’s 70% off because that will be a sale. 

Another gimmick, the perpetual “Going Out of Business Sale”, which Santa Fe attempted to crack down on by requiring a permit to hang those banners and only for two weeks. Initially, the permit cost $250 which repeat offenders regularly paid. Eventually, it was increased to $2500. While that certainly stopped most, during high season some still pay it. Long story short, there is no sale, and no one is actually going out of business. 

Of the plaza shops we only endorse one and they rarely have sales, but when the do rest assured it is actually on sale. There are other decent owners on the plaza. Best way to weed out the fakers, frauds and falsifiers? If the shop owner is a multi-generational New Mexican or Hispanic New Mexican, they’re often decent folks. The dirty scandal going on behind the scenes for 10 years is the unprecedented influx of foreign owners that work together to pressure New Mexican owners to sell out. This isn’t rumor, several close friends share their horrifying stories with us. So, in short, buy New Mexican.   

Ellis Tanner Trading Company

1980 NM-602, Gallup, NM

(505) 863-4434

Ok, straight up if you want to eliminate any change of making a mistake or getting a bum deal, "and" you can make the 2.5-hour drive to Gallup, NM, hands-down the Tanner family is the most renowned and historically legit Traders in New Mexico... their trades with Native American's go way way way way back. There are many Tanner family Trading Companies in Gallup all perfectly safe. However, if you can strike it up with the patriarch, Ellis Tanner, even better. 100% you will get the best, most honest deal. 100% your purchase will be authentic. 100% you will never be taken and your investment smart. If you do go, mention the television series ‘Fireball Run’ and you'll have instantly made a new, trusted friend.

Jezebel Shops & Gallery

By far our favorite place in Madrid. Owner is very nice and appreciative of your business. They have a wide range of cool handmade items at reasonable prices  all the way up to unbelievable art at market price. Be sure to visit their soda fountain! Pricy but awesome shakes and honestly really good food moderately priced. 

Lori Musil Art & Antiques

2891 NM-14, Los Cerrillos, NM

When the owner is there the place has great ambiance. This is pretty much an assortment of unique handmade items. You should at least check it out. 

Seppanen Fine Textures

Holy Holy crikie this stuff is expensive! Then again holy crikie real Native American textures are always expensive- and totally appreciate in value and are worth investment. There are tons of fakery when it comes to textiles in New Mexico, but this place stocks the real deal. Owners get you're a customer and go out of their way to insure you're informed even if you don't buy. this stuff is expensive! Then again holy crikie real Native American textures are always expensive- and totally hold and are worth the investment. There is tons of fakery when it comes to textiles in New Mexico, but this place stocks the real deal. Owners get you're a customer and go out of their way to insure you're informed even if you don't buy. 

Range West

Very impressive stone and metal works by a huble and talented artist/owner. Not cheap, but worth every penny... the water feature's they do are very chill not to mention in several Santa Fe homes. 

Crystal Dragon

Pretty much a gemstone and mineral shop with an assortment of other handcrafted gifts. Store is kinda in disarray but what makes this place special is the very kind and patient owner. He is super helpful and willing to take time with you whether you're buying a $5 dollar or $500 dollar item. 

CannaBliss is a new Cannabis dispensary and store located in Madrid, NM. CannaBliss is now selling high-end, organic, craft Cannabis cultivated locally in the Madrid, NM area. They also carry CBD and Hemp products. Tel: (917) 664-4956 

Mineshaft Tavern

It's definitely priced for tourists, food so-so, and service to be desired, but the Mineshaft is the most authentic holdover from Madrid's mining era. It's absolutely worth a look and at least one overpriced drink. The museum is mostly a hodge-podge of left over mining equipment but those who appreciate history will get a kick out of it. 

Java Junction

It's literally the only thing open between 7a-11a. You can identify the owner by the scowl on her face lol, but we'd feel that way too if we opened every day at 7a. Best thing about this place is the free wi-fi... just get there early if you want a seat. Beverage prices are reasonable and absolutely try the green chile quiche!